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Audio: Willie T. Stokes

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Bad Santa

IMVU Product: Bad Santa Movie-101

Description Audio File

No. I'm an accountant.
Accountant

That's an awesome fucking story kid.
Awesomestory

Twelve kids beat me up one time and I went crying home to my daddy and you know what I did?
Beatmeup

I can't remember this shit.
Cantremember

Who the fuck takes care of you then?
Careyou

Where I come from, we didn't celebrate Christmas. Not because we were Jewish but because my dad was a worthless coward fucking asshole whose idea of a present was a daily punch to the back of the head. He did teach me how to crack a safe though.
Cracksafe

Daddy home?
Daddyhome

I said I didn't bring it dipshit.
Didntbring

I'm healing up good, and they tell me that I will soon be 100% even with 8 bullets dug out of me because they didn't hig any vital organ, just my liver, which is fucked anyway.
Eightbullets

Exploring a mountain, huh?
Exploring

I wear this fucking thing as a fashion statement, alright?
Fashionstatement

Look, I've boned a lot of fat chicks in my time, sure. But, uh, as far as I can recall, I've never fornicated anybody.
Fatchicks

I don't want any fucking sandwiches. What is it with you and fixing fucking sandwiches?
Fixingsandwiches

Fornicate?
Fornicate

I heard you. Fraggle stick car, fine.
Fragglestickcar

Are you off your fucking meds or something?
Fuckingmeds

Does everything with you have to be a fucking test?
Fuckingtest

My fuck stick.
Fuckstick

Fuck you!
Fuckyou

But you see, I got sick and all the hair fell out. So, I have to wear this fucking thing.
Gotsick

She got half of everything.
Halfeverything

What the hell's wrong with you?
Hellswrong

No, it was her sister.
Hersister

You're gonna have to quit being a pussy and kick these kids in the balls or something.
Kickballs

No. They kicked my ass.
Kickedmyass

Marcus, get this kid out of here. He's freaking me out.
Kidfreaking

You know why?
Knowwhy

If you think you can make my fucking life any worse, you go right ahead. Be my fucking guest. Take a shot.
Lifeworse

Ha ha ha
Lol Willie T. Stokes

How long he's gonna be gone?
Longgone

I'm on my fucking lunch break. Okay?
Lunchbreak

You want to see some magic. Here, let's watch you disappear.
Magicdisappear

For Christ's sake. Make a move and stick with it, would ya?
Makemove

It's because he was a mean drunk son of a bitch and when he wasn't busy busting my ass, he was putting cigarettes out on my neck.
Meandrunk

What about mommy?
Mommy

Move along.
Movealong

Don't fuck with my beard.
Mybeard

Yeah, my dick. You want to see it?
Mydick

Are you saying there's something wrong with my gear?
Mygear

Next!
Next

I said next god damn it. This is not the DMV, alright.
Nextdamnit

No.
No Willie T. Stokes

Uh, things are all fucked up at the North Pole.
Northpole

No shit.
Noshit

This is not the DMV, alright?
Notdmv

I'm out on my ass now.
Onmyass

Well, it was real, but you see I got sick and all the hair fell out. So I have to wear this fucking thing.
Realthing

I'm an eating, drinking, shitting, fucking Santa Claus.
Santaclause

You see, Mrs. Santa caught me fucking her sister and, uh, I'm out on my ass now.
Santasister

That what you're saying to me?
Sayingtome

If I had known I was gonna have to put with a bunch of screaming brats pissing on my lap for thirty days out of a year, I'd have killed myself a long time ago... Come to think of it, I still might.
Screamingbrats

I've seen some pretty shitty situations in my life but nothing has ever sucked more ass than this.
Shittysituations

You gotta learn to stand up for yourself.
Standup Willie T. Stokes

So I'm gonna be staying here for a while.
Stayinghere

Sure.
Sure

You gotta take what you need when you can get it.
Takeneed

No. Thank the fuck christ.
Thankfuck

What do you think I'm some kind of pervert or something?
Thinkpervert

I'm trying to fucking leave here.
Tryingleave

You know, I think I've turned a corner today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something. I dunno, like I accomplished something.
Turnedcorner

Well, I'm very happy for you.
Veryhappy

What do you want?
Whatwant Willie T. Stokes

Well, wish in one hand, shit in the other one. See which one fills up first.
Wishshit

I loved a woman who wasn't clean.
Womanclean

The world ain't fair.
Worldfair

The fuck is wrong with you?
Wrongwithyou

What the fuck?
Wtf

Yeah.
Yeah Willie T. Stokes

Navigation

Bad Santa
Audio Products - Images
Audio
Willie T. Stokes - Bob Chipeska - Fraggle-stick Boy - Marcus
Therman Merman - Milwaukee Security Guard - Watching Boy

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